Tag Archives: Las Vegas

15 BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN LAS VEGAS

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1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the construction barrels.

2. Turn signals are just clues as to your next move in road battle; so never use them.

3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you no matter how fast you’re going. Continue reading 15 BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN LAS VEGAS →

Vegas Driving Rules

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1. First, it’s pronounced LOSS-VAYGUS. It doesn’t matter how they say it in other places.

Nevada is not ne voh dah….its ne vA dah

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Las Vegas has it’s own set of traffic rules. There’s no book about them. All you can do is get in your car and hope you survive to learn them.

Hint: 10 mph over posted is a good rule of thumb, but see Rule 8.

3. All directions start with, “Go down 95…’cause you don’t want to get on I-15.” Continue reading Vegas Driving Rules →

Talks and Secrets

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So I apparently made a mistake in confiding in my roommate the knowledge that in the 2 1/2 years that I’ve lived in Las Vegas and attended the University 3rd Ward, which is now the Siena YSA Ward, I have yet to be asked to give a talk in church. She apparently felt that this was unacceptable, because she blabbed to the bishopric and now I’m stuck giving a talk in church next Sunday.

My calling in the ward is that of Publicity Committee Chair. I’m in charge of the ward directory and the programs. Well, the bishop has been harping on me to get the Directory done, and I don’t think that he realizes that that is a nearly impossible task. So I gave him a “good enough” (as supposed to a “finished”) directory. Well, he had a meeting with my roommate Thecla last Wednesday, because she is the Temple Co-Chair. Well, he asked her to remind me about the program. He also asked her to give a talk, but Jimmy (the Executive Secretary) reminded the bishop that she had just given a talk the previous week. Well, that meant that they have to find someone else to do it. “Hmmm, who can we get to give a talk? Oh, I know! Connie’s never talked in church!”

So, this afternoon, while I was in the chapel, right before Sacrament meeting started, (I had just gotten to the chapel, I was busy getting the program printed) the Bishop comes up to me and he says “I didn’t want to have to chase you down the hall.” I knew that he was trying to corner me into giving a talk, but I tried to deflect it, by handing him the directory. It didn’t work. He was all excited about the directory, but he didn’t forget about asking me to talk. He was like “It’s come to my attention that you need to speak in church. And I would like to ask you to speak next week.” At this, I looked him straight in the face and said, “No.” He was a little taken aback, and then said “The correct answer is: yes.” “No… *sigh* Okay, fine. What is the topic?” “I’ll tell you later.”

So first he asks me to speak, and then he doesn’t even tell me the topic?!? Just who does he think he is?!? The Bishop?!?

Well, I had to corner him after Gospel Doctrine to find out. Apparently he wants me to speak on “How Giving Service To Others Benefits You”

So the first thing that popped in to my head when he said this, is a line from an Avenue Q song “Helping others brings you closer to God” however the song would not exactly be appropriate to play during sacrament meeting, so I don’t know if I can work it in.

Retarded Tree Season

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Well, its that time of year again, the Retarded Tree Season. I caught glimpses of it back in August, (how weird is that?).

As the nights get colder, the trees go retarded or something, and they forget how to make green and start making other colors. Red, and yellow, and pink, and green, orange, and purple, and blue…NO WAIT! I don’t think there is a blue…so close, and yet so far!

But it hit full blown when the firehouse up Emigration Canyon, caught on fire. (How weird is that?!?!) On the News they showed planes dropping red fire retardant on the fire, and I thought, “How retarded is that?” And then I thought “I’ll bet Connie would make the same comment.”

And then I thought, It’s a shame they don’t have Retarded Tree Season in Las Vegas, maybe Connie could come and celebrate the season up here, since she is the one who created/named it.