I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
Continue reading Christmas Bells
It was midnight on the ocean
Not a streetcar was in sight,
The sun was shining brightly
And it rained all day that night.
It was summer in the winter
And the snow was raining fast,
While the barefoot boy with his shoes on
Stood sitting in the grass
While the organ peeled potatoes,
Lard was rendered by the choir.
And when the Sexton rang the dishrag
Someone set the church on fire!
“Holy Smokes!” the Preacher shouted
And in the rain he lost his hair.
And now his head resembles Heaven,
For there is no parting there.
Absolute knowledge have I none
But my aunt’s washer woman’s son
Heard a policeman on his beat
Say to a laborer on the street
That he got a letter just last week
Hand written in the finest Greek
From a Chinese coolie in Timbuktu
Who said that a son in Cuba knew
Of a colored gent in a Texas town
Who got it straight from a circus clown
That a man in Klondike heard the news
From a band of Smooth American Jews
About some fellow from Borneo
Who knew a man who claimed to know
Of a hermit living beside a lake
Whose mother-in-law will undertake
To prove that a cousin’s sister’s neice
Has said in a finely written piece
That she has a son who knows a friend
Who knows the date the world will end.
Cabbage always has a heart;
Green beans string along.
You’re such a cute tomato,
Will you peas to me belong?
You’ve been the apple of my eye,
you know how much I care;
So lettuce get together,
We’d make a perfect pear.
Now, something’s sure to turnip to prove you can’t be beet;
So, if you carrot all for me let’s let our tulips meet.
Don’t squash me hopes and dreams
Now, bee my honey, dear;
Or tears will fill potato’s eyes,
While sweet corn lends an ear.
I’ll cauliflower shop and say,
Your dreams are parsley mine.
I’ll work and share my celery,
So be my
Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a work
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong or write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee four two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
Eye am shore your pleased to no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.