Birthday Songs

Birthdays are kind of depressing…
So here are some depressing songs for them:


Original Birthday Song
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear *what’s your face*
Happy birthday to you

Short Birthday Song
This is your birthday song
It isn’t very long…


“The Birthday Dirge” is sung to the tune of “The Volga Boatmen”. If you don’t know the tune by name, you know it by sound. It’s the depressing sounding Russian folk tune that nearly everyone has heard at one time or another. The resounding thud that follows each “Happy Birthday!” is traditionally accompanied by a “HUHN”-like grunt. The sort of groaning grunt that workers lifting heavy loads might find natural.

The Dirge is know know in various circles as “The Barbarian Birthday Song”,
“The Viking Birthday Sang”, “The SCA Birthday Dirge”, etc. Those lyrics
most common are listed first. Variations and additional lyrics follow.
Feel free to pick and choose those verses that best suit the group you
are with and the person being serenaded.

tune: “Volga Boatmen”

Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday!
1. Now you’ve aged another year
Now you know that Death is near
Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday!

1a. So you’ve aged another year
Now you know that Death is near

2. Children dying far and near
They say that cancer’s caused by bheer

2a. Children dying everywhere
Women crying in despair

3. Death, destruction, and despair
People dying everywhere

3a. Doom and gloom and dark despair
People dying everywhere!

3b. Doom, destruction, and despair
Grief and sorrow fill the air

3c. Doom, destruction, and despair
People dying everywhere

3d. Death and gloom and black despair
People dying everywhere

3e. Pain destruction and despair
People dying everywhere

4. Typhoid, plague and polio
Coffins lined up in a row

5. Now that you’re the age you are
Your demise cannot be far

5a. Now you are the age you are
Your demise cannot be far

5b. When you’ve reached the age you are
Your demise cannot be far

Other Common Verses:

6. Black Death has just struck your town
You yourself feel quite run-down

6a. Pestilence has struck your town
You yourself feel quite run-down

7. Birthdays come but once a year
Marking time as Death draws near

8. Long ago your hair turned grey
Now it’s falling out, they say

8a. Soon your hair will all turn grey
Then fall out (or so they say)

The Viking/Barbarian Verses:

9. Burn the castle and storm the keep
Kill the women, but save the sheep

9a. Hear the women wail and weep
Kill them all, but spare the sheep

9b. May the women wail and weep
kill them all, but save the sheep

10. Burn, then rape by firelight
Add _romance_ to life tonight

11. Indigestion’s what you get
From the enemies you ‘et

12. May the candles on your cake
Burn like cities in your wake.

12a. May the cities in your wake
Burn like candles on your cake,

13. May the children in the street
Be your barbequeing meat

13a. We love children, yes we do
Baked or broiled or in a stew

14. May your deeds with sheep and yaks
Equal those with sword and axe

14a. May your deeds with sword and axe
Equal those with sheep and yaks

15. They stole your sword, your gold, your house
Took your sheep but not your spouse

16. This one lesson you must learn
First you pillage, then you burn

17. While you eat your birthday stew
We will loot the town for you,

The SCA Verses:

18. We brought linen, white as cloud
Now we’ll sit and sew your shroud

19. You’re a period cook, its true
Ask the beetles in the stew

20. Your servants steal, your wife’s untrue
Your children plot to murder you

Other Verses:

21. Fear and gloom and darkness but
No one found out you-know-what

21a. Just be glad the friends you’ve got
Haven’t found out you-know-what

22. I’m a leper, can’t you see
Have a birthday kiss from me

23. It’s your birthday never fear
You’ll be dead this time next year

24. Now another year has passed
Don’t look now they’re gaining fast!

24a. So far Death you have bypassed
Don’t look back, he’s gaining fast

25. Now you’ve lived another year
Age to you is like stale beer

26. Now your jail-bait days are done
Let’s go out and have some fun

27. See the wrinkles on your face
Like the pattern of fine lace

28. Were I sitting in your shoes
I’d go out and sing the blues

29. So you’re 29 again
Don’t tell lies to your good friend

29a. Tho you’re turning 29
Age to you is like fine wine

30. You must marry very soon
Baby’s due the next full moon

31. When you’ve reached this age you know
That the mind is first to go

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